Never before have I been so reflective about weight loss. In the past it was all about the mechanics of weight loss. What to do and when to do it. How long it would take to lose x amount of pounds. Never explored the back story of why I have certain habits. I’ve discovered my anxiety of dining out is tied to performance, a sort of performance anxiety. I don’t want to mess up. I want to be the good student. I don’t want to disappoint Briant, Heckle, Jeckle and most importantly myself. There is this pressure that shouldn’t be there and it’s all tied to having a ‘good week’. A good week being defined by a good amount of weight loss. This is all wrong and will assure failure.
My fitness week is five days long and starts with Sunday, ends on Thursday. I’m committed to 5 days a week. If this is a change for life, which it is, I can’t have the outcome of what I do every week tied to a number on a scale. It’s devastation waiting to happen. If it’s a ‘good’ week, then I have a tendency to celebrate. Not so much with food but the celebration will emerge in not challenging myself and just going through the motions during the boot camp the following week. The ‘push’ will be absent. Afterall, I had a good week right? If it’s a ‘bad’ week, I have the tendency to go extremely hard to make up for it. Thus wearing myself out to the point of needing a day or two to recuperate. This is no good.
After boot camp today, Briant and I talked about dining out strategies and my goals. At that point I made a decision and he whole heartedly agreed. I will weigh in every week, but I elect not to know my weight. He thought this was a great idea. He will only let me know when I have hit a milestone. Perfect. This works for me. It means I will continue to look for ways to challenge myself physically and seek my validation from my non-scale victories. I will not be a slave to the scale. It is but one tool to measure one aspect of my journey.
If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams. ~Jason Love