Years ago I lived in a condo in South Pasadena, California.  It was wonderful except I had to be careful about the energy I used and how I used it.  If the dishwasher and the dryer were both going, I could not plug in my hair dryer or all the lights would go out and nothing would work.  Too much on one circuit would cause total failure.  This week I short circuited. There was a defect in my circuit, that caused my normal behavior to be bypassed, resulting in disruption and complete burn out. 

Last weeks weigh-in was the same as the week before.  That was completely frustrating because I did everything I was suppose to do that week.  I drank tons of water, had the vegan thing down to a science, worked out 6 days sometimes twice so I was expecting a big drop. The only thing that dropped that week was my jaw.  I couldn’t believe I was exactly the same. So once I got over the initial shock, I decided that this week would be different.  I was going to be laser focused.  I was determined to make the scale move.  

I enlisted the help of a long time BKM member, affectionately called 32, for help.  Friday for the first time I ran continuously for 3 miles and she was right there with me. It was a crazy kind of high!  So I did it again Saturday at 5:30am followed by an hour of spin at 8am.  I’m thinking this is where my mistake began.  My trainer was impressed and I was very proud.  Mind over matter I told myself.

Then there was Sunday.  Every muscle from the waist down was screaming when I moved. I had done too much.  Dove in head first.  When will I ever learn? I didn’t go to class on Sunday and by the time Monday rolled around I was overwhelmed and couldn’t snap out of it, sick of veggies and all that was suppose to be good for me. For some reason and for the first time the vegan lifestyle and all the workouts felt like a life sentence.  I had been vegan for six weeks without any problem. Now I didn’t want to think about it.  The strange thing is when I did the initial 3 mile run, on the way back I felt like I had finally gotten it all together.  There I was just plain tired in every way.

 Tuesday I said to my self, “Self, let’s get it together.”  I went all the way to BKM for the bootcamp.  Walked in, stayed 5 minutes and got back in my car and drove home.  My mind wasn’t in it.  On the drive home I decided to just scrap this week and start over on Friday.  So I checked out, mentally and physically.  I didn’t want to go, I didn’t want to think about it and I wasn’t eating anything green.

Then there was Thursday, today. I have been on this journey since the beginning of the year.  For good or for bad, I have never skipped a weigh in.  In addition I felt awful, I had a headache, was bloated and my stomach was confused and upset from the sudden surge of sugar for the past few days. This week I did not eat right; chinese food 3 nights in a row, donuts, chips and tons of simple carbs.  I didn’t want to weigh in.  I didn’t want to face the music.  This was the moment of truth.  This is where you either get up and step it up or your fizzle out and quit. I’ve come too far to quit.

I went to bootcamp and gave 110%. After class I almost skipped the weigh in because I didn’t want to know. Deek was at the scale; Briant wasn’t there.  Part of me was grateful that Briant wasn’t there.  Those eyes can be like disciplining daggers when you know you are wrong.  I got on the scale and Deek jumped out of his chair and with begging eyes he screamed, “What happened?!”  So I told him, “I haven’t worked out since Saturday and I have not been eating right.” The five pound gain was no surprise.  It was a strange relief to know the total damage and get back on track.  He shook his head  in disbelief and gave me that ‘I’m gonna tell on you’ look.  You know the kind that siblings give each other.  He asked me again what happened, or at least I think he was talking to me.  He may have been talking to himself.  I think he was in shock.  So, I used one of his phrases to drive it home. “I had to get my mind right.”  It’s true.  Now it’s time to get back on track and I’m ready.

“Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.” – Oprah Winfrey


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