“I had given it too much power. The three digit number, 338, had me paralyzed. So I decided to tell the world and set myself free.” Her face was radiant and she smiled as she listened intently while I told of my life long struggle. I was humbled and deeply moved that she found my fat girl saga radio worthy. Jade Harrell, host and producer for KMJM and it’s sister station Hallelujah 1600, moved effortlessly in her element. She had called the day before, just hours after my weigh-in and asked that I come into the station to be interviewed about my 101 pound weight loss for her Let’s Get It Together show. The request was surreal.
We did a mic check and she told me we would get started with the interview after she checked on a few things .I watched her flow in and out of her various roles in the span of an hour. Her sisterlocs adorned her head like a Nubian crown. She spliced an ad spot down to 15 seconds, confirmed her children’s sports schedules, set up a vet visit and followed up on a sports story. She juggled it all without any detected agitation leaving me in awe. She appeared comfortable in her skin, naturally beautiful without aid. She requested five more minutes of my patience. I gladly gave it. Talking with her was like catching up with a long-lost friend and I told her so. While I waited, we discussed all sorts of things; hair, family, my boot camp, my trainer, my victories, my struggles and my pursuit to rid my life of all things toxic. I drank more of the water she had given me upon arrival. I didn’t want my voice to crack when we started the interview.
Jade held up a church finger. A second later, we were surrounded as the sound of my voice engulfed the room. My voice was high and fully animated. Being hyper critical of myself, I cringed wishing I could do it all over. I shook my head slowly, “You tricked me.” Jade leaned in from across the control board, “An interview should feel like a conversation. Your voice is comforting, convincing and motivating. It was raw and honest. People need to hear your story. I thank you.” Her passion was showing, this was more than her job.
India Arie serenaded me home…It’s crazy and comfortable letting you in But there are things that I want you to know, let’s see, where do I begin… My body begged for sleep but my mind was unyielding. Once I reached home I laid across my bed and rested while my mind raced. The weekend had been a whirlwind of excitement and I couldn’t come down no matter how much I tried. While I wrestled my mind for surrender, time marched on. Shortly after, it was time for bootcamp.
It was one of those days where I would rather skip it. I went anyway. It was a lousy performance. I went through the motions being careful to give enough effort to remain undetected. My trainer was a lazy seeking missile. If you weren’t giving your all he knew it and would be in your face to correct it. I just didn’t want that visit. This was a just-good-enough day. My arms were like heavy logs and my legs like mountains to move. Briant stopped the music and demanded more from us. I amped up my 50% effort to 75% and kept pushing.
When the class ended, Briant called me up to the front of the class. I felt like one of those Southwest Airline commercials. I looked a hot mess. I didn’t mind the sweat. We were all sweaty. I had on green sweat pants two sizes too big and a Komen for The Cure t-shirt that had seen better days. He handed me the wireless mic and told me I had 2 minutes to tell my story. I don’t remember all I said but people were crying. When I was done speaking, I turned to hand the mic back to Briant when he presented me with a dozen roses. My eyeballs leaked uncontrollably and I released myself to the biggest group hug. I left there with a stong knowing that I could reach my ultimate goal and sustain it.
What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. – Henry David Thoreau